When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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