Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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