I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
