i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
