i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
