Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
