eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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