a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
