First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
