Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
