You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
and you fell through a lawn chair
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
