Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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