using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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