***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
