He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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