that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
