i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize