and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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