Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
