you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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