fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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