Are we in a gay sports bar?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
