you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
