No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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