I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
