Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry yodawgwtf hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(601): View more from Mississippi

I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works

Fav 12 1473 794
share tweet
(740): View more from Ohio

Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics

Fav 3 2239 700
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana

Fav 17 5990 1301
share tweet
(607): View more from New York

since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.

Fav 48 5045 1285
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.

Fav 5 3117 1388
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.

Fav 1 1382 3221
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.

Fav 51 1253 11030
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(309): View more from Illinois

Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.

Fav 2 948 617
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(813): View more from Florida

He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.

Fav 0 30 108
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT