Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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