the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
