All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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