I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
