I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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