My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
