Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
