I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize