i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
