I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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