My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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