my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize