White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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