My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
