i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize