Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
