You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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