i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
