Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
