omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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