I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We had sex on a dog bed..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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