i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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