I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
