Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
