apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
third nipple confirmed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
