and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
