I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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