i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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