and she was petting her beer can
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
