Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize