I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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