Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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