Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How external is "for external use only"?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
