a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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