When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
