im drinking this country out of the recession.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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