i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
