I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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