New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
