i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
