if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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