I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
