So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
