i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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