I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
