I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
