We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
