the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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