It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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