you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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