Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Text me some of your sweat
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