I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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