U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You took a bar mat shot.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We smell like vodka and hangover
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize