i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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