im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
