Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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