there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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