i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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