Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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