Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize