i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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