My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
