Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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