u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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