Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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