If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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