I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
