You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
