Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
there is glitter all over my balls
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize