Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
