You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
