come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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