im having a threesome with these popsicles
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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