so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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