I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
