why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize