we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
