I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
