So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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