Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
